The Glorious Blog Of South And North Mexico
by Chibibun
Summary: When you live next to America, were raised by the Bad Touch Trio, and are constantly compared to Italy, you're bound to have an opinion on everything and anything. My OC's The MexTwins tell their side and opinion on everything and anything.
1. Hola!

_'La! Me llamo Guadalupe. _

**Now, I know what you're thinking. Where is Guadalupe? WHO is Guadalupe? Oh God, it's an authoress' OC nation. One of those OC nations that don't actually exist.**

_You don't need to make up a whole new land mass to have an original character for the Hetalia fanbase to love and cuddle!_

**Anyways, Guadalupe is my sister. **

_Also known as South Mexico. The bold print is my idiotic twin, North Mexico. Everyone just calls him Mexico though, because APPARENTLY I'm chopped liver. _

**Oh, shut up, Sita. It's just easier to call me Mexico and you Guadalupe. You don't see people calling the Italians North and South?**

_Eh, es verdad. It's true. So, yeah. Hi everyone! I'm Nieve Ixtab Bonnefoy Beilschmidt Carriedo Fernandez. You can just call me Nieve though. Or Guadalupe if you must._

**I'm Fernando Chac blah blah blah. It's the same as N. Yes, my name is Fernando Fernandez and no, it is not cute. It is annoying. . Also, you can call Nieve any of the following: N, Ve, Sita, Sur, or Stupid.**

_Screw you, Fern. You guys can call him Fern, Norte, or Lazy Idiot. I swear Fern, you get whiter by the day. You need to stop hanging out with America's ex nation of a kid._

**Hey, don't call Tejas that! It wasn't his fault he was a nation! America wouldn't let him in! **

_Yeah, yeah. Oh yeah. We should probably tell the readers why we're here!_

**Lol, sure. So. Uhm, we're here to just kinda give you guys a different telling of stories that you all know and love. And some other unknown stories. Like, did you know that when Al gets drunk he sings?**

_Really badly?_

**That's the weird part. Al actually has a really nice singing voice, when he isn't singing about hamburgers.**

_Indeed. So yeah. In the reviews leave stories you want to hear. _

**Or else we'll have to pull stories out of our asses until we get a specific story you want to hear.**

_Like, the time we first met England._

**Or Canada.**

_Awww, I love that story!_

**You only like it because you got to hold a polar bear.**

_Hey, his polar bear is probably one of the cutest things I've ever seen. So, don't hate. _

**Whatever, let's go. I'm hungry.**

_Yo tambien. Maybe we can call America and White Boy over so they can have some real food for once..._

_

* * *

_In the review section, submit a strip or a moment in history and I'll have the MexTwins tell their side or views on it. I'll be updating almost daily so if I don't get a suggestion I'll have them write some more about themselves or a random story from when they were younger or a world meeting occurrence. Also, when they say a moment in history or a strip, I mean something the Twins would be able to talk about. Don't ask about the Bubonic Plague or the Austrian Succession Wars. Ask about North American history or something about the Bad Touch Trio. So, yeah. Bai!


	2. Meeting England!

**So, Guadalupe. America wants to know why you have a "dude" name.**

_WHAT? I DON'T HAVE A GUY NAME. _

**Al says Guadalupe was the name of the guy who gave up and Texas and all of that land. I have to agree, Guadalupe was indeed the name of that man.**

_You are both idiots, 'twas the man's surname. That means last name for you idiots._

**I know what it means, Al doesn't though.**

_Are you with Al? HAI ALFREDO._

**Al says not to call him Alfredo and that it's a stupid name and that Spanish is a stupid language.**

_-_- Also, Al. You have no room to talk. America is a girl name._

**Uhmmmmm, no. America is manly.**

_LOL, nice font. America is definitely feminine. Isn't a famous ACTRESS in your country named America? And isn't she Hispanic? Yeah, thought so. America also ends with 'A', so yeah._

**Al says America was a last name too. :P**

_Whatever idiots. Listen, I say we talk about the first time we met England. Have you heard that story, Alfredo?_

**NO! TELL IT.**

**It was a normal day, we were waiting for Spain's ship to harbor. He had a huge ship.**

_Haha, , he got to the dock and we run to him and we're all like, "YOU BRING US PRESENTS???"_

**And he didn't have presents! Instead he was going to bring us to Europe for the first time! :D**

_I love boats. It was fun being on a boat. Good thing I brought chocolate with me or else I woulda gone hungry. _

**ANYWAYS. So, we get to England. And Spain has us meet up with France and Prussia. **

_And you were all like, "MMMMM. FRANCE I LOVE YOU. LEMME HAVE YOUR BABIES."_

**And you were all like, "MMMMM, PRUSSIA I LOVE YOU. LEMME HAVE YOUR BABIES BECAUSE I AM A FEMALE AND ACTUALLY CAPABLE OF BIRTH."**

_That's gross. No. That is DISGUSTING. I'm going to go throw up. BRB._

**Hahahahaha. SO. Prussia, France, and Spain were telling us stories about England. And the stories were horrifying. They gave us the image that England was Ugly, Mean, Horrible, Incredibly Strong, Poisonous and a horrible drunk. So we are being taken to England, quivering in our boots.**

**Lol, you wore boots? Tool.**

**Shut up, Al. Do you wanna hear the story or not? Yeah, that's what I thought. So, finally we get to England and we're taken to this HUGE house and Nieve is all, "D: I'M SCARED. PRUSSIA SAVE ME." Of course, I wasn't scared because I'm not stupid. The door creaks open and out pops England. **

_Fern screams like the little girl he was and I admit I was startled too. Fern and I recover fast though because despite him being a pansy, Fern was still Mexican so he has SOME awesomeness in his blood. I have most of it though. So we start kicking England in the shin._

**And he goes DOWN. And we're yelling. I'm not exactly sure what.**

_Something along the lines, "THIS IS FOR BEING MEAN TO PAPA AND TIOS!!! :|"_

**Ah, yes. That was it. So, England is yelling for mercy. Spain, France, and Prussia are laughing their butts off.**

_Asses off. Don't be a prude, Fernando. So, finally we stop hitting England. _

**.**

**HAHAHAHAHA. I'M SO GONNA GO RUB THIS IN IGGY'S FACE. SEE YA LATER.**

_

* * *

_

_I don't want to do Prussia..._

**I don't want to do France...**

_Truce?_

**Truce.**


	3. Border Hopping!

_Hahahaha, y'know Fern. We may not have much in common but what we do..._

**It's freakin' great.**

_America is gonna kill us one of these days._

**Oh yes. It will be a death totally worth it.**

_He's going to tell our Boss on us!_

**Oh no! *sarcasm***

_Heaven forbid! What will Boss do? Take away more of my money?_

**Hahaha, I dunno. But if he finds out...**

_...Papa called..._

**What'd he want?**

_He said America called him...America told on us! That bitch!_

**UGH! I can't believe on him! Spain is gonna kill us! He actually will do something!**

_DDD: IT'S NO FAIR! ALL WE WERE DOING WAS HAVING FUN._

**We didn't even do anything this time. All we did was jump the fence and run. Roxie would have taken us in.**

_Remember that time we snuck in, stole bicicletas and rode to the White House? Good times, good times._

**Hahaha, yes. His boss just about had a heart attack. The poor guy didn't know about the nations yet.**

_We got all the way in! We were hanging out with his daughters! How old are they? Like 12 and 9?_

**I think that's right. What'd we do? Have a tea party, si?**

_Yes, my God. I hope the guy told his kids not to talk to strangers anymore. _

**Especially ones that make your dad's intern scream.**

_Hahahaha. Why hadn't Al told his boss yet? It had been like half a year! _

**Man, I wish we had known! We coulda planned a huge party.**

_Listen you guys, while we do have colds, Fern and I? We don't go to America specifically to steal jobs! Why would we get American jobs? I'll just go to Brazil, he'll gladly let me work for him. ;)_

**Sita, that's gross. **

_Calm down, I was kidding. _

**Sur's right though. We only hop the border to piss off Al and when we're bored. **

_We like to see how close to the White House we can get. You have no idea how easy it is to get in._

**It's a pain to navigate, that place is like a freakin' maze.**

_Like Papa's house!_

**Only not.**

_I hate you._

**Good.**

_:P

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_

:D This chapter is dedicated to BunnyRabbitOfDOOM for the idea. Writing up a fourth chapter as you read this. :D Hope this chapter wasn't too much of a fail.


	4. Ohai, Japan!

**Sita! Sita! SITA! SUR! SUR! NIEVE! NIEVE! GUADALUPE! N! VE! Uhm....SOUTH. SOUTH MEXICO! BUTT OF NORTH AMERICA! **

_You could have just said my name, you didn't give me a chance to respond. _

**Whatever, I just wanted to see how many ways I could say your name. Nueve! Nine, for you English speakers. Or Neuf in French.**

_Or Neun in German._

**But German is stupid, so who cares?**

_You're a dick. One day your ignorance is going to come back and bite you in the ass. What do you want anyways?_

**Oh yeah, I'm going to Japan. We're gonna hang out! :D**

_WHAT? No fair! I'm just as friendly with Japan as you! _

**Yeah, but you're short.**

_What are you going on about? We're the same height. Japan and I. Not you, you freak._

**I'm not the freak, you're the freak. Everyone else in North America is 5'9. What are you, 5'4"?**

_...5'3"..._

**Bwahahahahahahaha. **

_S-shut up! I wanna visit Japan. I have ideas for stuff I'm not going to mention on this blog._

**Lol, the possibilities.**

_Get your head of the gutter. Plus, you only want to go to flirt with Taiwan._

**No I don't! I'm in a committed relationship with Texas.**

_That's a dirty lie. You've been flirting with Taiwan since WW2 and India since our first G8 meeting in '05._

**Those are lies, I'm gay aren't I?**

_Bi, I'm guessing. I'm calling Japan. Stop creeping on the blog._

**NO DON'T!**

**

* * *

**

_Japan invited me over. :) So now we're on the plane to Japan's house. Hungary is over too! :D_

**Have I mentioned that I hate you. Oh so much. **

_Whatever, loser. America's here too. PARTY AT JAPAN'S HOUSE!!! :D :D :D :D_

**You're such a baby. **

_Am not. Did they let you bring a gun onto the plane?_

**Obviously, this is a private jet.**

_Oh, k. Good. They let me keep mine. And my knife._

**YOU HAVE A KNIFE AND A GUN. WHAT THE HECK???**

_...Yes...I've always had protection on me._

**What kind of gun? Not that I care, America wants to know. **

_America could have asked his self. But I just have a simple handgun/pistol._

**Like mine?**

_Yes, only I actually know how to use it._

**Oh, that's boring.**

_Whatever. I'm leaving this post. We're landing soon._

_

* * *

_

**HI JAPAN.**

_Hello._

_Haha, his font isn't bold. _

**I'm sorry that everyone has girly handwriting and I can't make myself write in curly script.**

_It's not that difficult Mexico-San._

_Hehe. Pwn'd._

**GROW UP.**

_Is that a height joke??? _

**Originally, no. But now...? YES. **

_I'm not even THAT short!_

_Actually Guadalupe-Chan, the only nations shorter than you are Latvia and Liechtenstein. Unfortunately, I'm the next shortest but alas, there is nothing I can do about it._

_DDDD: _

**Who was "pwn'd" now?**

_...Me...Japan~! I thought you were my friend!_

_I am, you just happen to be quite little._

**What's it like to be short.**

_I dunno, why don't you go stand next to Don Russia and find out. :D_

**SHHHH, DON'T MENTION HIM! SPEAK OF THE DEVIL AND HE WILL SHOW UP!**

_We're in Japan, Nieve-Chan! There is a very real threat he might show up!_

_Calm down, he's not even that bad._

**I'm changing my font. I don't want to be like you right now.**

**HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAH.**

_): First my budget and now this? Where's Dona Hungary? She won't ridicule me. She agrees with me!_

_

* * *

_

**She's gone. Where'd she go?**

**I think she went to find Hungary-San...**

**Hungary doesn't really agree with N does she?**

**I hope not...**

**I smell food. Good food. Is Sita cooking??? SHE'LL BURN DOWN THE HOUSE.**

**WHAT??? IS SHE LIKE ENGLAND???**

**Lol, no. She only burns down houses when she's making meth.**

**...I'm going to pretend I didn't hear that...**

**Uhhhh, yeah. Long story. DID YOU HEAR THAT?**

**Of course, I'm right here. Do you know what it was?**

**A scream...**

**Yes, but of who and why?**

**LET'S INVESTIGATE!**

**OKAY.**

**

* * *

**

_Lololol. Suckers, Thanks for the help Hungary._

no problem! hey, does this computer support videos?

_Yeah, of course. Just because I'm on a budget doesn't mean I can't afford nice things._

Come on, let's watch some videos.

* * *

_Alright! :D_

:)

_-drools-_

**...Oh shit..**

**Hehe. (:**

_That..._

**Was...**

great?

**Amazing?**

_That..and...must I say it?_

**I will. Hot.**

_Japan, Hungary. I think we need to hang out more. -drool-_

**Y-yes. Much more.**

**

* * *

**

I'm sorry if this update was a little confusing. Yes, so. In this update you find out that the fonts reflect their handwriting. Fern's got very blocky and messy handwriting while Nieve's got like small neat fancy script. Japan's got fancy handwriting too because of his hirujaku or whatever. I'm sorry. xD And I believe Hungary would have plain handwriting. So yeah, this was the idea of Ana-Kat101. I'll definitely have more Japan in later updates.


	5. British Spanish, ohyes!

**We hadn't known each other for long, a month and a half at best. But in that time we came to realize that the older nation was _nothing _our family had given him out to be. Sure, he could be a little snotty, but so could Nieve. He was a drunk, but Nieve grew up to be one too so who cares? Everyone drank in those days, so it was the norm as you English speakers would say. **

**We also learned that Spain, Prussia, and France were called the Bad Touch Trio in that time. And boy did we learn why. The three got themselves into a bucketful of trouble. They landed themselves in jail more times than I could count in English at the time. England was usually the guy the trio would call themselves into trouble. He also usually babysat for us. I mean, there was always Ludwig and Lovino, but when you know the effects of being raised by ONE Bad Touch member, you can only imagine how bad twins raised by all three were. The trio weren't very good with the whole watching us either way. Romano hadn't been small in quite some time, Germany and Canada (**_WHITE BOY!3_**) were the opposite of Sita and me. England on the other hand, had America to deal with. He knew exactly how bad children could be...

* * *

**

"**PAPA AND TIOS ARE BEING YELLED AT AGAIN!" Sita stomped around the room with a book in her hand. She collapsed on my bed in a huff. Drama queen...**

"**They leaving us with with Artie again?" I remember taking the book away from her. It was in English. I turned it upside down, we couldn't read English yet at the time. I don't even know what book it was, this being in the 17th century. **

"**Yes, Luddy and Lovi won't take us! I don't get why Artie is so mad! They keep shouting in English! I don't know English! Hell, I can barely understand Papa sometimes!" Yes, even as a child Sita swore. It's quite troublesome sometimes. **

"**So we go make Artie not mad. Let'sa go!" And we marched into living room where Artie sat drinking, reading, and cursing the BTT. I don't know what he was reading, but it was probably something about magic. Weirdo, magic isn't real.**

"**Artie? I'm bored~!" Best thing about little Sita? She could actually put good use to her shortness to good use and be cute. Arthur looked up at us. Oh god, he was drunk. **

"**Here, drink this. 'Tis good," he said, pouring two little shot glasses with a brown liquid. Both Sita and I stared at it with distaste. Should we drink something brown? It was probably a poison! Didn't Prussia warn us that England was poisonous!? **

"**What is it? It's brown! Tio Gilbert said not to drink or eat anything that isn't a normal colour...is brown a normal colour???" Sita sniffed the drink but smiled slightly at its scent. I smelt it myself, fruity. Maybe it wasn't poison...**

"**Go ahead! It's good!" England repeated himself, pushing the glasses closer. Sita grabs it and downs it while I pull up a chair, why did England have to have such big tables? And awww, England had to speak Spanish in order for us to understand him! I forgot about that! **_('Twas so cute! It was crude Spanish too! Ohhhh, Arthur should speak Spanish more often. It's like two awesome accents in one! :D)_

"**What is this? OMG, it's so good," Sita gushed, holding out her glass while Arthur filled it. I remember it took me a good ten minutes before I even took a sip of the liquid..**

"**Ale. Great stuff, great stuff. Uh oh. Don't drink so much. Not good for you..." England warned, trying to be a good adult figure despite his drunkedness and the slur in his speech. Of course, Sita didn't listen to him and he was two drunk to carry out his threats...The two of them finished off a bottle. Idiots. And people wonder why Sita's a drunk? **

"**I'm hungry. Arthur. Arthur. Arthur! Feed me!" The idiot had passed out and I was starving! You don't deprive a child of food! I manage to wake him up with a powerful punch in the gut. He then decides it's a great idea to take Sita and I to the freakin' pub, like What the heck is wrong with him? Was he dense? **

"**Yeah, yeah. Put some shoes on. Come now," Arthur says helping us down from the high stools. These stools now come up to my waist and Sita's stomach. She's really short, did you know this??? Like, crap man. She's only 5 foot 3...O_O Anyways, so Sita decided that she was going to be difficult and refuse to wear shoes. I _tried_ to help, honestly. But I've learned that when Sita decides not to do something or whatever, it's best to not get in her way. She can be stubborn as a bull.

* * *

**

**A while later, we're in the arms of a drunk England, tired as all heck with Sita regretting her lack of shoes. **

"**Artie? How come Papa doesn't like you?" I ask this from his right side.**

"**And tios too..." Sita's on England's left side, her voice muffled from being buried in his shoulder. **

"**Ha! They don't dislike me. Why, if it weren't for me you two would be sitting in a gutter somewhere or worse," Here, England feigned horror, "the trio would have to actually take care of you." He chuckled now, man his Spanish was getting worse by the second....(**_Still awesome, though3_**) Both of us reached up to pet England's hair. **

"**They say bad things about you..." I tug at his hair.**

"**But I don't see why.." Sita swats at my hand here. **

"**Yeah, you aren't _that_ mean."**

"**You aren't ugly at all."**

"**You are strong though."**

"**Poisonous too."**

"**Yeah, I'm glad you brought us out to eat tonight!" England really, really can't cook.**

**Sita quips in with, "can you bring us out to eat all the time!? A nice restaurant? A pub like this would do!"**

**Cue cheeky grins and we've got England blushing and going, "Awwww~!"**

**

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**

Blegh, yes. I'm working on two more chapters that will nottttttt be up until Sunday or Monday. I'm going away for the weekend. D: Next chapter will either be Romano or Gilbert themed. Depends on my laziness and inspiration. The Gilbert one will be in the usual theme and the Romano one will be like this only written by Nieve. So, yeah. Chao~! Be sure to review, da?


	6. Ohana Means Family!

_NORTE. I DEMAND YOU SIT NEXT TO ME._

**You see, I WOULD but that would involve movement and movement is my worst enemy.**

_Bigger enemy than you and working?_

**YES! FINALLY. Someone understands!**

_NORTE. SIT NEXT TO ME. YOU DON'T EVEN NEED TO WALK, YOU'RE IN A ROLLING CHAIR!!!!_

**I really would, but I'm actually working. Sorting out money.**

_MONEY? What money? Are you getting extra money because of my budget? Dammit all._

**No, idiot. It's from my earthquake. SOME people actually noticed. Fuckin' America getting all the attention. **

_Fuckin' Haiti..._

**Shut up, what is so important about this post that makes you want me to sit next to you?**

_FAMILIA! 333_

**Did anyone actually ask or did the authoress just have a plot bunny?**

_Plot bunny, ftw._

**Fine, let's go. Who do we start with?**

_Papa?_

**Sure. Stop calling him Papa. We're too old to call Spain that. **

_Are not. Anyways. After Papa, there's our Tios, Gilbert and Francis. :D _

**Ludwig is technically our uncle too, being Gilbert's brother and all. He was in our life enough.**

_Still is. So yes, he could be considered an uncle. :D_

**Romano is our brother, right? You still consider him one, right?**

_OF COURSE MI COMPADRE DEL SUR ES MI HERMANO(_1_). We southerners gotta stick together!_

**Bajito(**2**) does NOT like how you call him your brother and Antonio Papa.**

_Yeah, because it makes him think of the fact that Papa used to be a father figure to him too and that makes sex icky. ):_

**Ew, let's NOT dwell on that topic. CARRYING ON. Italy.**

_Half brother, of course. Belgium's our half sister. Oh, female role model. Why were you not there as much as you should have been?!_

**Don't rant. You turned out well enough, quite insane, but well enough.**

_): Canada and Alfred are twins too. :O_

**I'm well aware. GUYS, THEY AREN'T OUR SIBLINGS. They're like cousins?**

_I believe that's it. The closest we got on them is the whole Francis thing. And that doesn't even count. I miss Chico De Blanco.(_3) _I guess I miss Alfredo too...ish..._

**Do we have any relatives that aren't like wicked extended or imaginary?**

_Like, directly related to us or Papa? Si. (:_

**Care to specify or are you gonna make the readers think?**

_Oh yeah, ahaha. Sorry. Uhm, yeah. Portugal is Papa's brother. He's a weird little man._

**Oh yeah, Portugal. He kinda looks like Angel. Y'know, from Rent?**

_With curly hair? AY MI DIOS. Es verdad! (3) But, not when Angel is drag queenin' it up! Like, at the end. ):_

**Awww, yeah. I love Rent! **

_AYD,(4) yes! Who doesn't?_

**Communists.**

_Whoa, you just SUPER serious there. And shit, man. We just had a conversation about Rent. You're so gay..._

**Yeah...I know...Shoot me when I start talking about Disney movies.**

_Will do! Let's get back on topic, though. There's Domingo!(5) _

**Belise!**

_Honduras and El Salvador! _

**Cuba!**

_Costa Rica, Panama!_

**Turtle!(6)**

_Y Guatamala!_

**Oh Central America. We're all so different, yet so related. Of course, we missed some nations. Most of the Carribean, actually. Like, Dominican Republic, Jamaica, The Bahamas, and...**

_...Haiti...-glares-_

**SITA. Stop glaring at the computer! Oceana(7) is NOT inside the computer, calm down.**

_I...Hate...Haiti. _

**I know, Sita. This is not the time to discuss your feelings on a certain female island nation. **

_I don't care. I'm just putting it out there that I hate her. I WISH SHE DIED IN HER EARTHQUAKE._

**That's a horrible thing to say, but whatever. I'm done here, do you wish to stay and rant?**

_Hmmm, for a bit. Adios, Norte!(8) Great, now I'm alone..._

_I just want you guys to all know that I really do love my family. Sure, it's complicated and I can't say I had the most stable of role models, but hey! Look at me now! :D I'm the most awesome country and Gilito(9) can't even say anything about it because he's TECHNICALLY not a country. _

_Norte and I were greatly influenced by everyone mentioned here. If you look carefully, you can see the little things we've picked up from the Bad Touch Trio, our brothers and sisters, and cousins. Like, Norte is slowly becoming closer and closer to Alfredo and UGH, it sucks because he's making it harder for me to keep a hold on Mama's culture. . I've APPARENTLY got an ego to match Gilito, but that's an utter lie. I don't have an ego. People with egos usually just gloat with nothing to back them up. Everyone knows I'm glorious! Why do you think my half is first in the title? XD_

**DON'T BELIEVE HER! SHE KEEPS CHANGING THE TITLE. NORTH GOES FIRST, DAMMIT!**

_I have NO idea what he's talking about. OH, AND LATIN SPANISH IS BETTER THAN EUROPEAN SPANISH. DON'T BELIEVE PAPA!_

**I like French. **

_I thought you left._

**I decided I didn't trust you alone. And I see my suspicious were right. Look what you did while I was gone, you changed the title again.**

_No I didn't. It's always been like that. _

**Ugh, fine. I'll keep it. But just because I'm lazy.**

_Hehe, good. xD NO, OPEN OFFICE. THE 'X' IS SUPPOSED TO BE LOWERCASED._

**NO ME GUSTA OPEN OFFICE!(10) **

_I think we need to leave, we're getting crazy. Our awesome is slipping._

**...Fine, let's go. I feel like we should go somewhere. I MISS DIEGO!(11)**

_Awww, how cute. You used his human name. Anyways, you can go visit your boy toy and I'll go visit Chico De Blanco. Gilito will most likely be there. ;) _

**And so this concludes this update! **

_ADIOS!_

_

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_

_Language Barriers, ftl._

"...MI COMPADRE DEL SUR ES MI HERMANO!": ...My mate/buddy of the South is my brother!

"Bajito": Shorty. Bajo/a means short as in height. Fern calls Romano shorty because Romano really is wicked short compared to Fern.

"Chico de Blanco": Literally, Boy Of White but in English she says White Boy.

"AY MI DIOS! Es verdad!": Oh my God! It's true!

"AYD": Ay Mi Dios!

"Domingo": My fandom name for Philippines, apparently I'm the only to think he'd be a guy. xD

"Turtle": My fandom name for Nicaragua. Don't ask.

"Oceana": My fandom name for Haiti.

"Adios, Norte!": Bye, North!

"Gilito": Gilly!

"NO ME GUSTA OPEN OFFICE!": I don't like (HATE) Open Office.

"DIEGO": My fandom name for Texas3

A couple other words I forgot to mark!

"Tio": Uncle.

"Sita": Fern's nickname to try and make the word 'Sur' a little more personalized and girly. See, he does care!

* * *

Sorry about lying to y'all! I'm working on the Romano chapter RIGHT NOW. I'm just having a little trouble. And the Gilbert one SUCKED so I have to restart that one. So, yeah. Review and tell me what you want to read about and I'll tackle it the way I would tackle Germany if I were to meet him. -drool- Adios!


	7. ADD, much?

**Sita, stop telling people I've got a tramp of Tejas!**

_You're right. I should stop lying. It's actually the name Texas in a heart. Sorry!_

**Screw. You.**

**

* * *

**

**Where have you been all day?**

_El Salvador and Honduras' house. (: We went for a walk and worked in their garden for a bit._

**Why didn't you tell me? I would have come!**

_Ahhhh, but mi hermano, you were not invited by Sal and Jorge._

**...why not?**

_Because you're a northerner and that's gross._

**Y'all just jealous I'm not stuck in the past!**

_Whatever. I'm going over tomorrow too. You should go and visit tu boiiii toiiii._

**We're going through a bit of a rough patch. We aren't talking too much right now. It's...uhm...awkward to say in the least.**

_Awww, is it because Al's our cousin?_

**DON'T WANNA TALK ABOUT IT.**

_Lolololol. Kayyyyy. I'm gonna go call Lovi and bother him. Baiiiii._

_

* * *

_

I want to get another tattoo!

**You have one.**

_I have three akshully..._

**Why...are you talking like th- WAIT. THREE?**

_One on my ankle that says South. One on my left shoulder of the Mexican flag. You have no idea how many times I've had to get that changed. Shit, man. We've had...10 flags since our independence. And then I got one on my lower back._

**You got a new one for every flag, didn't you? But uhm...you...have...a..tramp stamp...?**

_One would call it that..._

**OMG. WHAT IS IT? POR FAVOR NOT UN BUTTERFLY!**

_Lololol, no. I'm not a whore._

**WHAT IS IT?**

_A bunny._

**...**

_OW. THE FUCK, NORTE. THAT FUCKING HURT. DON'T PUNCH ME! I WAS JUST KIDDING. SHIT. THAT FUCKING HURT. It's actually a shark, like legit._

**WOW. A friggin' shark? How drunk were you?**

_Not THAT drunk. Plus, it doesn't hurt as bad when you're drunk._

**I'm so proud to have an alcoholic sister.**

_LOVE YOUUUUU~

* * *

_

_ALFREDO._

i know, i'm awesome. (: 

_Shut up, asshole. I'm fucking half blind because of you._

DDD: why? what'd i do?

_You had a fucking oil spill in MY Gulf! My glasses = Gulf Of Mexico. Since the Gulf is all oily, so are my glasses. I can't see out of them, so I can't wear them. Now, I have to walk around practically blind. _

): I'm sorry.

_SORRY. YOU'RE SORRY? ANIMALS ARE DYING AL! I DON'T HAVE THE MONEY FOR THIS. Shit, now my budget is going to shrink even more. I'm never going to be able to go out again! UGH._

i'm honestly sorry! i'm trying to clean it!

_I know, honey. Come on, let's go and get some ice cream. We'll think of some ways to clean my glasses. _

ICE CREAM! Ow, ouch. You okay? There's a chair right there. here, i'll help you. Because i'm a hero! And i know how it feels to have my glasses taken away. -coughFERNANDOcough- Sorry, I still have a cold.

**Shut up A-! HEY. TURN BACK ON THE LIGHTS. COME ON GUYS. UGH. NOW I HAVE TO GO FIND THE LIGHT SWITCH. DAMMIT, IT'S SO DARK IN HERE. SITAAAAAAAAAAaa!**

(Crashes ensue as Mexico tries to find the light switch in the dark.)


	8. WHAZZUP?

_Yooooo._

**Loser.**

Gonna have to agree with your brother here, Nieve.

_BUT, BUT. LOVI, YOU GOTTA STICK WITH ME. WE'RE BOTH SOUTHERN HALVES. WE'RE DESTINED._

**Ew, that makes it sound like you're in love. **

_We obviously are. Like, legit. LOVI~_

Ew, go away. NO REALLY, DON'T TOUCH ME. CHIGIIIIII

**And he's down...Awww, look at Bajito. All short and stuff.**

_You're height jokes suck. Lovi, get uppppp._

don't call me Lovi, dammit. 

_Fine, mi compadre de sur. Plus, I know you only like it when Papa calls you that, hermano._

Either stop calling me your brother or Spain your father, it's weird.

**Sita, when I blush...is it as noticeable as Romano?**

_Of course not, claro que no. xD Look how red he gets._

**Spain's right. As red as un jitomate.**

W-what's a jitomate?

**Tomato. Spanish Spanish is weird.**

_Yeah, with vosotros forms and all the shit._

**And not calling brown cafe....You Europeans are weird.**

Don't blame me, bastard. I don't speak your stupid language.

**Good. I'm sure you would mangle our language. Italian. Lol.**

_Don't be mean, Norte. I'm sure your attempt of the awesome language Spanish is just fine. _

DON'T TOUCH ME, DAMMIT. HOW THE HELL DO YOU MANAGE TO GET ACROSS THE ROOM SO FAST?

**She's gotta be fast, she pisses off so many countries. **

_Fuck you, Norte. At least Arizona doesn't have a restraining order against me..._

**Not my fault. Plus, at least I belong in this family.**

_What are you talking about idiot?_

Ohhh, this is good. Where's the popcorn?

**You know what I'm talking about, shorty.**

_Oh this again? HONESTLY? It's not my fault I'm short! . _

**You're really dark compared to the rest of us too...you're almost black.**

_YUP. That's it. _

**AND you're a girl. You're like, the only girl in the the Americas. North, Central, and South. Haiti's the only other.**

_DID YOU JUST PUT ME IN THE SAME CATEGORY AS HAITI?_

**I DID. WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO D--**

SHIT. FERN, PUT AWAY THE GUN. NIEVE, WHERE DID YOU GET A BOW AND ARROW? PUT THEM AWAY! HEY, DON'T TRY AND DRAG ME INTO THIS! CHIGIIIIII~! FERN, IF YOU SHOOT YOUR SISTER, YOU'LL REGRET IT! I HATE FILLING OUT HOSPITAL FORMS! OUCH. NIEVE, DON'T USE THE ARROW AS A SPEAR, HONESTLY. DAMMIT, MEXICOS. I'M CALLING SP-.

_NO! OH, HERMANO. PLEASEPLEASEPLEASE DON'T CALL PAPA!_

**Yeah, we're sorry. We'll stop fighting. Just don't call Spain, PLEASE.**

A-alright. But if you guys fight around me again, I'm punching you both in the face.

_**HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHA. Suuuuuuuure you will.

* * *

**_

Yes, at the end it's both Fern and Nieve speaking. Also, I've decided that at some parts it's not just them typing but a recording of their voices. Then it's transferred into text and posted onto the blog. Also, this is kind of a sorry for not having my Romano chapter up yet! I really am working on it.

On another note: is it weird that I want to write a Halloween fic in late May?

__


	9. Wherein Insults Are Thrown Around

_Uhm...F-Fern?_

**Don't talk to me. I'm trying to figure out if this is real...**

_Oh god, I hope not._

**Shut up.**

_FERN. I'VE GOT A FUCKING DICK. What the hell is going on?_

**I dunno, Sita. But I've got breasts.**

_LOL._

**..what...?**

_You said breasts. Come on, everyone. Say breasts. It sounds funny because of the "sts"._

**WOW. You're mature.**

_Omg,omg, omg. Having a dick has made my maturity level go down to the negatives._

**Boobs are really, really soft.**

_Ew, stop touching yourself. You're gay._

**Doesn't mean they don't fascinate me.**

_Allllll riiight. This is weirder than the time Papa paid Artie to turn us into children._

**Yeah, at least we had out respective parts.**

_And we were adorable. Although, I make a hot dood._

**And I am a hot chick.**

_Like you've got an opinion on that, fag._

**Sorry, I should have asked you, dike.**

_Last time, I was screwing men. Just. Like. You. Dammit, give me some of your clothes. These pants are WAY too tight. _

**K. Only if I can wear some of yours.**

_Yeah, sure sure. Fuck, I need a cigarette._

**Ew.**

_Shut it, at least I'm not addicted to heroin (anymore)._

_

* * *

_

**Now I see why Poland wears these skirts all the time. THEY'RE SO FREE.**

_Can I get a belt please? Seriously._

**This shirt makes my boobs look HUGE.**

_HEY. Don't be throwing around studded belts. Is this mine? You stole my belt? Asshole._

**Like, seriously. **

_Can you not walk around the room with your hands on your boobs? _

**But they're just OUT THERE. What else am I supposed to do with them? They jiggle.**

_Ew, put on a bra or something. WHY ARE WE OPPOSITE GENDERS?_

**I dunno. But can you ruffle up your hair or something? You reek 'fag'. **

_You would know. And you should put some actual clothes on. Like, a bra and underwear. And a tank top if you're going to wear that shirt. And a longer skirt. PLEASE. I don't need to be blinded. _

**Alright, alright. Loosen the belt. Did you get new glasses?**

_I-I think so...And DON'T TOUCH THE MAKE UP. WASH YOUR FACE FIRST. HOT WATER. Because it opens your pores. Don't do it and you'll get acneeeee. Which is gross. _

**Owowowowowow, this water is REALLY hot. **

_Good, the hotter the better. Now, sit still while I wax your eyebrows. No "brother" of mine is going out with eyebrows to rival Artie's._

**A-alright. T-this won't hurt, riIIIIIIIIGHTTTTT. OMG. THAT FUCKING -**

**

* * *

**

(Three Painful Hours Later)

**Owwww~**

_Oh shooosh, I'm done._

**It's like 5! Do you have to go through this everyday?**

_Depending on how fast your hair comes in and shit, pretty much. _

**...**

**

* * *

**

(In Real Life, Fern's room)

Fern shot up in his bed, breathing heavy from his shout. His body was covered in cold sweat so that his ahoge stuck to his cheek. His hands shot to his chest. Feeling nothing but hard muscle, he relaxed. Of course, this is when Nieve decided to kick down the door, shotgun in hand. She aimed the gun around the room wildly, looking for a culprit before her eyes landed on her brother. She stared at him. One second, her gun was raised and ready to shoot. Two seconds, her face and gun fell. Three seconds, she stared at her brother. Four, she turned and left the room, shutting the door behind her. Fern sighed, deciding it best not to explain.

The next morning he woke to the ringing of his phone, which played the Mexican Anthem. He groggily checked the caller ID to see that it was blocked. Sighing, he answered it.

"H-h-h-heeeeeello?" Fern had to stifle a yawn when he opened his mouth. The caller didn't seem to mind, because they waited patiently. At least he thought it was patience.

"ALL YOUR BREASTS ARE BELONG TO US, DA-ZE~!"

Fern had yet to find out who called and how they got his number. Nieve just burst out laughing when he asked.


	10. RomanoHe's here

_ Alright, so I've been trying to write this time and time again. Then I realized I was putting too much effort into it. I was trying to make it pretty and poetic. Then, I realized who I was writing about. You cant' make me, Norte, and ROMANO poetic. Not that combination of personalities. So, yes. I'm sorry it took me so long. In my defense, I was trying to work with the annoying little bug I like to call Fernando._

_

* * *

_

_ When we were kids, our parents weren't around much. Papa was in Spain or on a boat to or from Spain. Getting to "New Spain" was time and money consuming. And Mama was usually busy with the "Adult stuff" of being a nation. I later learned that this meant she was having sex with the Spanish people. She was often visiting her sister and Alfredo. It was no fair! They never visited us! Fern and I didn't meet Al until his first birthday. His first year of being independent._

_ So, Norte and I were stuck with nannies. You ever had a nanny? THEY SUCK. Always breathing down your neck, telling you what to do. They always tried to keep me at home and be lady-like. Like, the hell? I'm lady-like! SHE TRIED TO MAKE ME WEAR SHOES! (_**You don't make Sita wear shoes, it just doesn't happen**_) And she would only let me in the front yard, because apparently the backyard was too dangerous or something. Norte got to do anything he wanted to do, first time asked. (_**Oh, don't whine**_) _

_ So, when the news arrived that Papa was in docks, I knew that I wouldn't be able to see him. I was NEVER allowed at the docks, it sucked. (_**Of course, she picked a fight with the nanny**_) So, I politely ASKED the nanny if I could go to the docks. THEN we got into this big fight. I don't remember the exact argument, but I know she used stupid arguments like, "You're too young" and "That dress will clash with your shoes." The first is stupid because I was already more than double he age and the latter because I wouldn't wear the shoes past the end of the block, then I would discard them into a bush. The amount of money my nannies invested in shoes had to have made a lot of men rich._

_ What I do remember of the argument was that is was way intense and ended with a slap across my cheek and a lock on my door. I sat in my room for all of five minutes when Norte had poked his head into the room._

_ "I'm assuming you want me to wait at our tree in ten minutes?" He asked warily. _

_ "Make it five, and be ready to run," I challenged, probably cracking my knuckles or something because I was a badass child. (_**-snort-**_) Once Fern left me in the locked room, I grabbed a bobby pin out of my hair and picked the lock. Locks were so much more primitive back then. Oh well._

_ I watched the nanny walk into the little kitchen when I decided that I was hungry. So, I padded in behind her. She legit, did NOT notice me. Idiot. So, I walked into the pantry and grabbed the basket of tomatoes. Mmmm, tomatoes. Not as good as chocolate, but whatever. _

_ Now, I was a short child, like really short, so it took a lot of effort to get the basket. I ended up knocking over a jar of jam. Hmmm, maybe I should have searched for chocolate...oh well. (: I then heard the scream of the nanny and the drop of a rolling pin. _

_ And that's when I booked it out of there. Now, picture a small, tan child running away from a middle aged women carrying a basket as large as the child. Yeah, fuckin' hilarious. (_**Oh, the bitter sarcasm**_) __As soon as I saw Norte, he came and helped me carry the basket away from the raving mad woman chasing us. We ran all the way to the docks. There was no way in hell any of our nannies would ever be caught dead in the harbour._

___

* * *

_

_It's always the easiest to pick out the Spanish ships in the docks. They have the flashy, big, and beautiful ships. Fucking show offs. The problem was finding Papa. Spanish troops always come in trios or so. So, Norte and I have to search each of the ships and deal with the ships' crews. This time it took us even longer because of the tomatoes. Dammit, I should have taken chocolate. We were on the second ship, in the captain's quarters, trying to find Papa when someone threw a shoe at us. _

___ "Oi! What do you think you're doing? Get out of here, brats!" The voice belonged to a taller teenager with a weird curl on his right side of his head._

___"We're looking for our Papi! Do you know him? His name is Antonio Fernandez Carriedo! He's pretty awesome," Norte said, because he's weird and called Papa Papi. "Also, you've got this weird curl thing going on there. Can I like smooth it down or something? Sita's got plenty of pins to loan." Ahhhh, there's the awesome blood I know he's got hidden. (_**I try**_)_

_"N-no! Don't touch me! Get out! What do you kids think you're doing here?" he shouted, face red. _

_"Are you the captain? You look young. Doesn't he look young, Norte? How old are you?/ How old do you think he is Norte? Like, nineteen?" Wow, I talked a lot. Do I talk a lot now? (_**Yes, oh GOD, yes.**_) No? Gooid._

_"Shut up! If you kids don't get out of here, el capitan will get pissed," he warned, stepping closer to us. And then Norte, oh Norte, started to scream for "Papi" at the top of his lungs. I joined in then for Papa, because we were super mature. _

_"Lovi~~! What's going on? Did you hear that? It sounded like- MEXICOS! There you are! We've been searching for you!" Ta-da! There's Papa! Here to save the day from the big, bad Italian. Norte and I rushed past Romano and into Papa's outstretched arms. Both of us started yelling about how mean Lovi was and how we were trying to find him but the ship was so big and the basket was weighing us down and the nanny wouldn't let me out and, and BWAHHHHH. We started bawling our eyes out. Shut up, we were children. We didn't know how to control our emotions. So, nyeh!_

_"Sh, sh. Hush now, my children. Let me introduce you to Lovi. He's like us. He's South Italy. Lovi~, this is Fernando and Nieve. North and South Mexico respectively. She calls him Norte and he calls her Sita. They're really sweet~" Papa introduced. From our hiding spot behind Papa's legs, Norte and I glared up at Lovi. The hatred was mutual. The glaring match that went on was not interrupted by Papa's outburst._

_"OH MY GOD! ARE THOSE TOMATOES? GIMMEGIMMEGIMME~" Spain tackled the basket and quickly started to munch on one. Since the glaring match wasn't going to stop anytime soon, I grabbed a tomato of my own._

_"Only if I can throw one at this Lovi kid. He's mean...I don't like him. He's really tall too..." I complained, aiming at the Italian's head. Papa started to protest and Lovi turned his head at the mention of his name. Papa started to reach up and stop me but I was too fast (being awesome and all) and I whipped the tomato at Lovi's face._

_"Lolzzz, d00d. you ttly pwn'd tht tomato, d00d. it lyke was cummin at your head. But u cot it!" Norte shouted, because he's a major tool. (_**I did NOT say that**_) You might as well. because Lovi was freakin' pissed. Now, I don't remember the exact details of the next part, but this is what I'm told is what happened. _

_Lovi took a chomp out of the red fruit, licked his lips and promptly smashed the tomato upon my head. Next thing I know, I'm out cold.

* * *

_

_I woke up on the couch in my house. Papa was talking animatedly to a very pissed off nanny, Lovi was sitting on the ground with the empty basket between his legs, and I found out later that Norte had been sent out to pick more tomatoes. I groggily glared at Lovi._

_"Asshole, you ate all of my jitomates..." I whispered, still young enough to know that swearing was bad. Lovi just rolled his eyes._

_"Whatever...I hate you."_

_"H-hate's a powerful word. You're not supposed to say that!"_

_"You let me have all the tomatoes I want and I won't hate you," Lovi said, licking his fingers for some remnants of tomatoes. I narrowed my eyes._

___"Promise? You're a South half too, right? We gotta stick together. Keep our names from being forgotten. Plus, anyone who likes tomatoes can't be that bad."_

___And thus started the very strained friendship of me and Romano. It's gotten better over the years, but I mean, he's Lovi. He's gonna be difficult no matter how long you've known him.

* * *

_

**A/N: **What is this? Can it be? A Romano chapter? I've only been planning this since like, the second chapter. I don't even know what chapter we're on now, but wow. This took me forever. But I feel like a load is off my back because I finally finished this. This chapter honestly changed form so many times, it's ridiculous. Hope y'all enjoyed it. Don't forget to reviewwww.


	11. Ohai, welcome back!

**Well, it's been awhile.**

_Yeah, dood! I missed everyone!_

**Hn, anyways. We've been in South Africa, training our team and playing some futbol. **

_We lost…SO NOT COOL._

**Yeah, and we lost to Argentina. I mean, seriously. He's just an annoying bug of a country.**

_Oh, don't be mean. He won fair and square. The poor kid. Why'd you have to beat him up?_

**He deserved it! Teach him to win against my futbol team! **

_HE DOESN'T PLAY! HE JUST HELPS TRAIN! _

**Whatever, would you rather I had beaten up a human.**

_I guess not…but seriously, there was no need._

**Like you didn't want to punch something/one. **

_Yeah, and I did. I punched you! :D_

**Freakin' hurt. **

_I love when you get close to swearing. It's so cute._

**I love it when you don't talk.**

_I missed this room. Our computer room. It's so nice to be back._

**I won that. Anyways, we should paint it.**

_What colour? Pink! I want to have pink walls!_

**Then paint your room pink. Stop makin' it seem like I'm a flaming homosexual.**

_But, Norte my darling, you ARE a flaming homosexual._

**I'm not FLAMING.**

_Maybe, you are a homosexual~_

…**Why do people do the whole tilde thing?**

_It makes it a little more cute and sing songy~_

**It just looks like you missed the !...**

_You're stupid. Don't talk to me, kthnxbai._

**BYE? WHERE ARE YOU GOING? **

_I'm talking your dog for a walk~ _

**Oh hell no! You are not going near my dog! SITA, IF YOUTOUCH NINA I WILL DESTROY YOU!**

_But she's so cute~_

**Don't touch her! She's MY dog! You have your own dog.**

_I don't have a dog, idiot. I have Capitan Gato. He's a brave and valiant cat who fears nothing and will sink his teeth into your eyeball! :D He's so cute~_

**Whatever. Go take him for a walk.**

_But Capitan doesn't run. Nina will run conmigo (With me). _

**I don't care. Go away.**

_Kbye. Let's go Nina~_

…**Hey…wait a minute…SITA COME BACK HERE WITH MY DOG!**

_Mraow? MRAOOOOW_.

BOW WOW.

**I TOLD YOU I WOULD DESTROY YOU FOR TOUCHING MY DOG!**

_SHIT. WHERE'S MY PHONE, WHERE'S MY PHONE! I'M CALLING ALFREDO!_

**DO IT, I DARE YOU.**

_PUT DOWN THE FUCKING AXE! WHERE THE HELL DID YOU GET THAT?_

**SPAIN LET ME BORROW IT FOR MOMENTS LIKE THIS.**

_FUCKING BULLSHIT. YOU STOLE IT._

**NO ONE HAS TO KNOW THAT, VERDAD?

* * *

**

HAI GAIZ. It's been awhile, and I can't apologize enough. I wanna say I've been busy, but honestly, I've just been lazy. I mean, I had finals. But I only had them for two days and only studied the weekend before. xD So, yeah. Spain's playin' against Portugal later today! I'm all decked out in my Spanish stuff. VAMANOS ESPANA!


End file.
